Making a decision

A few hours later, my shift ends and Gustav basically shoves me out of the garden with a wide smile on his face. I guess a little bird told him about my evening plans.

I go home and take a good, long, hot shower, not only to get the dirt of the day off me, but also to get my mind to calm down again. Up to now, focusing on my work had helped me, but now work was over and time was progressing.

I've got a date. With Eva. What I dreamed about for years was now about to come true. Yet I am not happy. There are far too many things on my mind. Nym is probably dead, some sort of predator I've never seen before having gotten the better of her and I wasn't there to protect her. Of course the device we used to communicate might as well have run out of power, she might have lost it or it might have gotten broken. All of these things make a whole lot of sense, but there's still this nagging feeling, that I should have stayed with her. That I don't deserve this date. That I'm betraying her.

After a whole while under the shower, the water begins running cold and I get out again, drying myself and dressing myself in some clothes they gave me when I moved in here. When I was just getting myself ready, a strange noise grabs my attention. They told me, that it was a 'doorbell', to tell you that there's someone at the door wanting to be let in.

I look at the local time display and scratch my head. Eva would be early and I'm not quite ready yet. Ah well, she just has to wait, if she can't keep appointments.

I head to the door to tell her that I'm not quite done yet, but when I open, it's not Eva standing before me. Instead, it's an entire group of men I am not familiar with.

"Can I help you?", I ask politely.
"Are you 'the survivor'?", one of the guys asks.
"Some people call me that. I prefer 'Sirus Loctor' though."
"...you've got yourself some fine lodging there...pays off to bang the first lady, huh?"
"...I'm afraid I don't understand."
"Look at it, guys. The finest clothes, probably hot water too in the best part of the colony. Pops up out of nowhere and simply gets a silver spoon rammed into his mouth! What do we think about lucky guys like that, guys?!"

The other guys in the group crack their knuckles and before they throw the first punch at me, I think, 'So much about 'civilized'.
The brawl is pretty one sided. Their punches are sluggish and predictable and I have absolutely no trouble evading them. But I am reluctant to punch back. There are countless chances to do some serious damage, but if I hit them, who's to say if they'll be able to get back up?

Fortunately I'm not forced to find out, because someone apparently alerted the Peacekeepers. At least a number of armored people comes running down the corridor, yelling and waving weapons of some sort.

The other guys notice them and the leader scoffs at me, "Don't think this is over 'Survivor'!" before the scram and disappear around the next corner.

Most of the armored guys runs after them, but the apparent leader of them stops and asks, "Are you unharmed?"
"Yes...yes, I am.", I reply, panting a little.
"That's a relief. The mistress would never have forgiven us, if we had let anything befall you here."
"The...mistress?", I ask, slowly piecing together the puzzle around me and it makes me sad. Apparently there was more to talk with Eva about.

A little later, Eva comes running, wearing a her armor only loosely.
She gasps, "Are you okay, Sirus?! Please tell me that my people..."
I interrupt her, "Eva, what do the normal people in the colony live like?"
"What...what do you mean?", Eva asks obviously confused.
"These people...they attacked me for a reason. They said, that this was 'the best part of the colony' and that running hot water was something special. Eva tell me, did you pull any strings to get me special treatment?"

Eva remains silent for multiple seconds and then says to the guy in armor, "We won't be needing you any more right now. Thank you for your help."
The man bows to the front and replies, "Mistress...", before walking away.

Eva sighs and asks, "Can we...talk about this inside?"
"...yes.", I reply, open the door behind me and we go inside.
Once inside, Eva takes off her armor and drops herself on the soft couch in my living room with a big sigh. She covers her eyes with her hand and mutters, "This is not how I imagined this...not at all...why can't anything ever go right...?"

I pull up a chair, sit down and ask, "Okay Eva...what is going on?"
"Right...where do I start...?"
"How about telling me, why I'm getting a special treatment."
Eva exclaims, "Because you are special, Sirus!"
"How so? How am I any more special than those guys on the away team? How am I any more special than the guys breaking their backs in the garden to keep the people fed? How..."

Eva jumps up and yells, "Because I love you, Sirus Loctor!"

A huge number of thoughts shoot through my head while my body remains completely paralyzed by Eva's revelation.
Eventually a few thoughts crystallize themselves out of the chaos and like words sent from heaven above, the words "Well, crud." roll over my tongue.

Eva stares at me, a mixture of fear, anguish and hope in her eyes.
After endless seconds, she asks, "...'Well, crud'? That...that's your reply? I went over this moment a million times in my head, imagined every single possible reaction from you, but that...that really wasn't what I expected."

I shake my head, get up and pace up and down the room, trying to get my thoughts back under control, while Eva monitors me carefully.
I've seen this situation countless times with people from Block D, but to actually be in this situation is a totally different story. Eva just confessed to me. I never thought I'd see the day. And now she wants an answer from me. A real one. A 'Yes' or 'No'. If I say 'Yes' now, I'll have everything I ever wanted. The girl I wanted for years as my mate would actually be my mate. My life would be complete. I'd have the family I always longed for. But, sticking out like a sore thumb, there's Nym...and the promise I gave her.

Only now I realize, that I've been running away from this moment ever since I learned that Eva was still alive. I couldn't even worry about Nym properly, because I was so busy running away. And now, just like that, the moment found me. And right now there's no more running away.

I feel a little faint and my knees begin shaking, which is why I sit back down.

A few seconds of silence later, Eva asks, "Sirus? Is that...your answer?"
"No...no, of course it isn't.", I reply, holding my pounding head.
"Look, I...I never meant...I...I'm sorry."
Eva gets up and hurries for the door, but out of sheer instinct I shout, "Eva, wait."
Eva stops, but doesn't turn around.

"Come back here please...there is something...I haven't told you..."
Eva slowly turns around, tears streaming down her face.
"There...", I start, going through the possible consequences again, but I push them all away. I need to tell her now, tell her about my situation, tell her about Nym, tell her all the things on my mind, before the entire bubble bursts and I am left with nothing but debris in my hands.

I ask Eva, "Please sit down, Eva...this is going to take a little while."
Eva sits down, wiping her tears away and asks, "There...is someone else, isn't there?"
"Sort of, yeah...", I reply and then start speaking, "You see, when I first came to Tisis, I wasn't alone. Another...person was hiding in the pod I escaped in."
"But...but the report of the away didn't mention anyone else being there..."
"That's because I asked them to not mention her.", I explain.
"So...it really was a girl...?", Eva asks.
"Yeah...she's a bit rough on the edges, but she has a good heart. I think you'd like her, actually."

"What...what is her name?"
I blink a few times, pondering if I should try reciting her whole name, but decide against it. I'd get it wrong anyway and I say, "I call her 'Nym'."
"'Nym'? That's a strange name. Which block was she from?"
"Block D, actually."

Eva scratches her head and asks, "Really? I thought I knew most of the girls of our block...but 'Nym'? I think I'd know...oh, now I know!"
Suddenly Eva begins to smile widely and it creeps me out.
I wonder if she figured out what I've been trying to circle around, but her next sentence painfully grinds my thoughts to my halt, "You don't have to be ashamed about that. It happens to quite a few men in the colony, actually."

"Err...no, I really don't think it does...", I try to probe what Eva is thinking.
"Oh yes! There's even a medical study on that. And you're really..."
"Eva!", I interrupt her and then ask, "...what do you think I'm talking about?"
Eva raises her hand and says, "Well, Suzie and her four sisters of course."
"S...Suzie?!", I reply, completely baffled.

Masturbation was common practice among the young people who weren't ready to start a family quite yet and some people of particularly bad luck who didn't even have the chance to start a family coined the phrase of 'Suzie and her four sisters' as 'their girlfriend'.

Now I also know, what Eva is thinking and I reply, "Eva, Nym is an actual person. I didn't make her up. She's taught me how to swim and how to start a fire. She saved my life so many times, I can't even begin to..."
"Then why wasn't she there with you?", Eva asks.
"Because...it's difficult."

"Then explain it to me! Explain to me why you don't want me!", Eva demands.
"It's not that I don't want you, it's because I already have a mate!", I shout.
"Then why didn't she come back to the colony with you!"
"Because she would've been shot on sight!"
"Don't be silly, the only ones getting shot would be..."

Eva's face grows pale as the realization hits her.
I huff, "Yeah. Exactly. The only ones getting shot on sight here are Asmodei. And Nym is an Asmodea. The warden of block D. That's right...I'm banging the freaking princess."

Eva's eyes fill with tears and she runs out.

I sigh and begin packing my few belongings. That wasn't exactly how I planned this to go down, but all in all she took it rather well.