Remorse

I allow myself to get soaked from head to toe...the water feels really good on my skin...it's like it washes all my worries, sorrows and fears away...and it sure helped against the blood rush Nym's stupid question caused...what was she thinking anyway?!
Probably she wasn't even really thinking...she slurred quite a bit while speaking...

I try to remember where I had seen such behaviour before...and eventually it clicks.
I think: 'She's DRUNK! But...how?! I mean, Marcus once distilled some liquor from some of the garden vegetables...boy, did HE get in trouble for that...but the party my people had with that...I can still see his the fat smile on his face when they dragged him off...wonder what became of him...meh, they probably killed him...'
I shake my head to get my thoughts back on track.
I resume my thoughts: 'Nym acted just like my people back then...but none of us drank OR ate ANYTHING that might contain alcohol...cause if it did, I'd be affected too...right?'
I try to concentrate and then think: 'No...Nym ate some of that fish...do the fish of this planet have ALCOHOL in their bodies? Now that'd be plain out crazy...'
I carefully peer back into the cave...Nym is fast asleep...yup, definitely drunk.
She snores a little...but her facial expression...is she...sad? But about what?

I get back into the cave, taking of my shirt and wringing it near the entrance to allow the water to flow out.
I repeat the same process with my pants, thinking: 'Good thing that Nym is asleep...she'd chew me out if she was awake...'
I lay my clothes out to dry and cover myself with the fur of the large creature...no, that won't do...I can't keep calling it 'fur of the large creature'...it needs a name...let's see...

I try thinking of stories of the old world, trying to match up the descriptions of animals...countless stories pass past my inner eye...until an ancient child book surfaces before my inner eye...one of the very few relics we always had managed to hide from the Asmodei...now it is lost forever...just like everything...and everyone else...
I silent tear runs down my face, as I recite the sentence below the picture.
'The hungry wolf chases the clever rabbit.'...yes...wolf...and rabbit...they sure seemed similar enough...I'll call them that for the time being...

A wave of sadness washes over me, as the fire keeps burning mercilessly...and the night begins to sink over Tisis.

I fetch the small pouch of the 'rabbit' from my back pocket and say to it: "I won't allow you to have died in vain...neither of you...nor will anything else I kill die in vain...this I swear...I will NOT disrupt the natural order of things...and when my time has come to be prey myself, I will embrace it..."

As if to answer me, a howling from the far distance makes my head hurl around...probably another predator greeting the night...I remember, that most creatures on Earth are scared of fire and stay away from it...but here on Tisis? Everything is fireproof...there MUST be a reason for life to have gone this way...I better shouldn't rely on fire to help me the same way it helped my distant ancestors on Earth...

I glance over to Nym...she looks peaceful again...apparently she's dreaming something pleasant...

I catch how her mouth is moving some words, but I can make out no sound...wonder what she's dreaming, honestly...bah, none of my concern, really...
I poke the fire with one of the longer sticks, stirring up the embers and making the flame dance in response...is it really okay like this? Am I...am I really going to spend the rest of my life like this? Here? With her?

I shake my head again...no, there's no use in moping around...I need to be strong...for the both of us...I was unable to protect Sarah...I won't let it happen again...
My mind goes back to that dreaded day...where me and Sarah, my little sister, played a children's game together...maybe we were too loud, or maybe they just were in a foul mood...but in either case the Asmodean guards came in to silence us...just like we were taught, we quickly ran back to our mother to hide with her...it was better to not anger the Asmodei...however when I arrived there, she fearfully asked me...where Sarah was...when I was looking back, Sarah had stumbled...I didn't even notice...and the Asmodei picked her up at the collar...I wanted to scream...I really wanted to scream that day...yet I knew that ANY 'unregistered vermin' would be taken away...and I hadn't received my ID yet either...two days later...I buried my own sister...in the gardens...just like so many others before me.

I glance over to the sleeping girl again...and just for a brief moment, it's Sarah laying there in the flickering light of the fire. I blink two times and it's Nym again...crap, my mind is playing tricks on me...but the wealth of memories still forces the tears out of my eyes...I hadn't thought about Sarah so many years...I had moved on...and yet...I didn't.
My mother once told me, that time heals all wounds...but this wound...left a scar that can never truly heal...I remember, how I cried all night the day they took Sarah away...and once more, after they tossed her lifeless...and battered...body back into the garden...straight in front of my feet...'More fertilizer', they said...that day I swore to myself that they would pay for it...God knows, I will NEVER forget that guy's face...and his grin as he threw my little sister before my feet...and my Garkla or whoever be with him if I EVER cross paths with him again...

Only now I realize that I had clenched my fist so hard, that blood had begun trickling out.
I release it again, turn around, facing the heavens...the rain had let up and the stars were becoming visible.
I stare up to the stars and say: "God...do you hear me? I...I know I've been doing a lot of asking and not much thanking as of late, but let's be fair...life has been pretty harsh on me...no, on everyone...I'd...I'd like to thank you for giving me this chance...and...and I...I promise you...if you just protect me for a little while longer...allow me to live a little while longer...I'll become strong...I'll become strong enough...to protect Nym and myself. I will NOT allow...another father's daughter to be taken away by brutality...so if you please...please stay with us...just a little while longer..."

Now tears are outright streaming down my cheeks...and I don't even care any more...tomorrow I will be strong...but dear Lord, just for tonight...just for tonight allow me to be as weak and feeble as I really am.

Multiple minutes pass as I cry all the water I have left within me out into the night...and with each tear drop that falls, I mourn a death...of family...of friends...of all the people that died in the depths of space...somewhere far above Tisis...

Eventually, I turn around, looking at the fish...apparently Nym ate one of the big pink fishes.
I think: '...if this critter has Alcohol in it, the hell, I'm getting trashed tonight...God knows, I need it...'
After I'm done feasting on the fishes, I still feel no effect whatsoever...what a bummer...but WHAT did get Nym drunk then?
I'll have to ask her once she's sober again.

I lay myself to rest...yes...tomorrow...tomorrow I will be strong again.