literature

Tisis - S73

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Be my mate


As I drag myself into the warmth of the cave, Nym immediately looks up at me.
She startles to her feet and runs over to me, while in my mind the words 'Don't think about it to much, don't rethink it, just get it over with and it'll be good.' are running in a loop.

She yells at me, if I'm feeling all right and that I was gone forever and that she was worried sick and that she kept peeking out to see where I was and many other things, but I'm not really listening. Everything is like a bit of a blur for me right now, as the blood rushes through my head like a torrential river.

Eventually, Nym stops talking and looks up at me with blank fear in her eyes.
I look down into her eyes, black like the depths of space with traces of tears, like the stars illuminating the night sky. Okay, here goes nothing.

I take a deep breath, lay my hands on Nym's shoulders and say, "ListenNymIreallylikeyoualotandInoticedthatyouseemtolikemetoandeventhoughthisisprobablytheworstideaeverIstillwantyoutobemymateplease?"
Nym looks at me curiously, then hits the side of her head slightly and asks, "Pardon, could you repeat that? I didn't understand a single word of what you were saying."
The thought 'Crud...', echoes through the otherwise empty landscape of my mind.

Nym carefully waves her hand before my eyes and asks, "Sirus? You...there?"
After a short pause she says, "You...you must be cold. Come on in, out of the cold."
She pulls at my arm, but I don't move. Suddenly Zero's voice echoes in my mind, "Sirus, focus! Can do! Sirus calm."
Around the same time, Nym asks, "Zero? I wonder if he's cold too..."
I finally break out of my shock state, take another deep breath and say, "No...I'm not cold. In fact, it feels like I'm about to burn up."
Nym's attention snaps back to me and she quickly asks, "Oh no, are you sick?! You..."
Nym raises her hands towards my face, but I intercept them and hold them.
This isn't how I imagined this at all, but then again, we've got to play the cards we're dealt. I need to stay calm and do this right or else I'm going to regret it tomorrow.

Okay Sirus, calm down. Nym is confused and probably scared. Heck, I'm confused and scared! And I've been prepared for this moment for years!

Another deep breath and then I repeat my sentence, this time slowly with just the bare minimum of information. "Nym, I want you to be my mate."
Nym tilts her head to the side with a questioning look and finally asks, "Well, sure, but...I already am your mate...right?"
I raise an eyebrow. It's evident, that she has next to no idea what I'm talking about.
Stay calm, Sirus. It helps nobody, if you panic again.

I point over to our makeshift beds and say, "Sit down, please. I need to explain this."
Nym and I take a seat in our respective beds and I ask, "What do you think 'mate' means?"
Nym replies immediately, "It translates to 'friend', right?"
I shake my head and reply, "That's one interpretation, but that one mainly applies to those of the same gender. But originally, it is derived from 'mating', as in 'have sex in order to procreate'...and that's the interpretation I mean."
"So...you're asking me to have sex with you?", Nym asks curiously. Good. She doesn't seem to be offended or dead set against the idea...that's good...just don't screw up now...

I continue, "Sort of...but it's a bit more complicated than that...but before we get there, I need to ask you, if you're really okay with...having children with me."
"Sirus, I already told you, children are born by the Grace of..."
I shout, "Then just assume for this moment that Garkla has the grace and blesses us with children!", but quickly calm down again.
I won't persuade her to believe me on that right now, since for her it seems to be something religious she's never even doubted once. But that's okay...I just need to take this slow and one step at a time. There's no need to rush.

Nym remains silent. She seems to think about the issue at hand. After about a minute, she replies, "I...wouldn't know what to do. Father always told me, that Garkla only grants these grace to those who are ready, but I...I don't think I am..."
I smile and reply, "Nobody ever really is. That's the beauty of it. It's one of those skills you obtain when you need them, just like breathing and all that. It's instinct."
"In...I don't think I have something like that.", Nym says. I try to suppress the laugh that rises within me, but apparently I don't succeed, since Nym asks me, "What's so funny?"
I wave off, trying to get the apparent smirk on my face to fade.
But at the same time I notice something else. The pressure and tension are gone.
That's right...this is Nym I'm talking to. Same old, innocent, naive Nym. She's not actively trying to confuse or even seduce me. She just doesn't know any better.

I lean back, bury my head in my hand and start laughing. I lean against the wall and look up to the ceiling, while I feel Nym's eyes resting on me. I recount the things I learned about her. She is completely oblivious to the concept of sexuality. Her parents probably never told her about any of this.
While I ponder these things, a thought crosses my mind. Zero said she's in heat. I remember the stories of my elders, that many female creatures have a particular time in a cycle, where they are exceedingly fertile, while also their libido is increased greatly.

I remember, that this time for human women is around their period. As I'm thinking about this, another thought strikes me. Nym doesn't seem to have one. For as long as we've been on Tisis, I've never seen Nym act weird up until recently. Also, the only blood I ever saw her shed, was from actual wounds. Does this mean, that she hasn't reached maturity yet? Or is it a racial thing? I consider asking Nym, but chances are, that she has no idea either.
And it really isn't important right now.

I look back at Nym. Her eyes are still filled with fear and confusion, but her expression has softened. Her long hair is reaching down all the way to her waist and shimmers in the light of the crackling fire.

I clear my throat and ask, "Well? Are you up for the adventure?"
Nym looks up from her own thoughts and replies, "Well...if it makes you happy..."
"No, no, no.", I say, shaking my head and add after a small pause, "This isn't all about me. It's about us. And I won't do anything without your permission. Do you understand that?"
Nym seems to ponder the question, but eventually shakes her head and says, "No...I don't think I do. I mean, why exactly are you so damn serious about this? It's...a past time, isn't it? But you make it sound like it's really a big deal..."
I reply with a solemn voice, "It is a big deal. It's a future we can head towards."
Nym gets up, walks over to me and kneels down right in front of me, so I'm forced to look into her face head on. She asks, "Sirus, I don't understand what's going on. I don't understand any of this. I don't understand what I'm feeling when I look at you or the way you behave around me, but it all seems to boil down to this 'sex' thing you keep mentioning. So if it can help us get back to...normal...then by all means! Tell me what I have to do!"

I shake my head and say, "Oh, you'll be good in a few days."
"No, I won't! Listen...it's...it's really weird. I...I remember this feeling I'm having right now. I've been getting it for many years over and over again. But it always passes. But this time..." Nym is raising her hand above her chest at the area of her heart and continues, "...this time it's different. It...it feels good to be near you and it hurts when you're not around...I...I don't know what to make of this!"
Is Nym telling me...that she's fallen in love with me?
I quickly shake my head to clear it up again. No, this isn't it. It's all instinct. Nym's in heat and that's why she can't think straight. And I need to follow the protocol.

I turn towards Nym and ask again, "Nym...answer with 'Yes' or 'No' please. Would you like to be my mate?"
"If...it makes these feelings go away, then yes!", Nym yells at me, tears in her eyes.
But I can only shake my head. My entire body yells at me now, but this is wrong.
I get up again and say, "They won't, Nym...if anything, it'll only make them stronger."
Nym backs away, her soft skin shimmering in the light of the camp fire. Her tears glitter like small jewels, as they fall to the ground.

I say as calm as I can, "Nym, this is a decision you need to make carefully...and while you're like this, you can't make that decision. Go to sleep."
"But..."
"Don't make this harder on me than it already is, Nym!", I yell at her, causing her to back up even more.
I turn around and tell myself, 'Keep calm, Sirus...tomorrow it's another day.'
I hear Nym sob a little and return to her own corner of the cave, leaving only a waft of that intoxicating smell behind.

I think, 'Yup, she was so ready to go...but even if it means tormenting myself a little longer, I won't give in to these stupid instincts. The protocol exists to help us and if I don't obey it now, we will inevitably fail...'

I turn around and look at Nym, who holed herself up at the far end of the cavern, where I can hear her sob. It breaks my heart to see and hear her like this, but this is for the best. For both of us.
First off: I'm sorry! I couldn't really focus for this chapter, so it's a bit more crappy than usual, but I think I got my point across.
I hope you'll like it anyway. :)

As always, comments are very welcome :)

Edit: I rewrote a few portions of this chapter, seeing how unhappy I was with the chapter. Hopefully it flows a little better now.

Time of Edit: 15.03.2014 15:44 CET
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AprilDawson's avatar
Well the penny has been thrown in the air and dropped. Now it's just the decision making and maybe more soul searching time while that penny is on the ground